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I found a recent article in the Atlantic fascinating (even though I found the opening quote unnecessary, and am not supportive of the culture of therapy). Hardship and discipline are good for our kids, and we shouldn’t protect them from these things.

“It’s like the way our body’s immune system develops,” he explained. “You have to be exposed to pathogens, or your body won’t know how to respond to an attack. Kids also need exposure to discomfort, failure, and struggle. I know parents who call up the school to complain if their kid doesn’t get to be in the school play or make the cut for the baseball team. I know of one kid who said that he didn’t like another kid in the carpool, so instead of having their child learn to tolerate the other kid, they offered to drive him to school themselves. By the time they’re teenagers, they have no experience with hardship. Civilization is about adapting to less-than-perfect situations, yet parents often have this instantaneous reaction to unpleasantness, which is ‘I can fix this.’”

We should get used to the fact that we don’t belong in this world, so that we can grow in our dependence upon the one who made this world and is fitting us and our children for the world to come, Lord willing.

Collin Hansen has an excellent article on the cult of self-esteem in our culture and helping children to handle failure. He concludes it well when he writes this:

This last part strikes me as most difficult for Christian parents. We rightly want to shield our children from the pain of sin, especially the sort we have shamefully and regrettably indulged in. To be clear, this is a good thing. Responsible parents keep pornography out of the home, take interest in education, and warn their children against bad influences.

At the same time, we must avoid leaving the impression that failure can be avoided altogether. How do we make this mistake? We might create false expectations by preventing our children from befriending any unbelievers. Or packing their schedules only with esteem-boosting, organized activities. Or letting them off the hook from doing household chores. Or teaching the moral lessons of Scripture and ignoring the litany of failures pointing toward our need for a Savior who never fails us.

And what if you don’t teach your children how to overcome by the grace of God and power of the Holy Spirit by patiently enduring their failures? They’ll find out the truth anyway, the hard way. They’ll see failure in church with the backbiting, gossip, power plays, and judgmentalism. They’ll see it in themselves when they struggle with doubts and no one will listen. They’ll see it in you and wonder why you can’t just admit it.

If you don’t teach them that Christians sometimes fail, then they’ll conclude Christianity has failed. But by the grace of God they’ll add to the numbers of bitter adults who grew up in the church and rail against its destructive influence. Yet when they see us fail, repent, and ask God’s forgiveness, they’ll see in action the most glorious truth of all, that God himself took on flesh and walked among us, failures all, so we might walk with him in heaven forevermore. They’ll know that when they fail, too, God’s grace abounds to even the chief of sinners.

Parents, don’t fall into the trap of over-protecting your children so much that they fail to grow in maturity in faith. God will always be a better protector than you.

As I was preparing for our Sunday School class (Getting to the Heart of Parenting) this past week, I came upon this great quote from John Calvin on Galatians 4:19. “my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!”   Paul is of course speaking here of the Galatians believers, who he considers his children. But how much more should we take this to heart as we consider our own children!

Calvin’s quote below addresses Christian ministry, but we can easily insert parenting as a Christian ministry and apply it to our own ministry in our homes.

“This is a remarkable passage for illustrating the efficacy of the Christian ministry [parenting]. True, we are “born of God,” (1 John 3:9;) but, because he employs a minister [parent] and preaching as his instruments for that purpose, he is pleased to ascribe to them that work which Himself performs, through the power of his Spirit, in co-operation with the labors of man. Let us always attend to this distinction, that, when a minister [parent] is contrasted with God, he is nothing, and can do nothing, and is utterly useless; but, because the Holy Spirit works efficaciously by means of him, he comes to be regarded and praised as an agent. Still, it is not what he can do in himself, or apart from God, but what God does by him, that is there described. If ministers [parents] wish to do anything, let them labor to form Christ, not to form themselves, in their hearers.”

May God continue to use us as parents to accomplish the task of forming Christ in our children.

Verses set to music are a great resource for kids and families, helping them to learn God’s Word and remember it. When we were raising our kids we would listen to Steve Green and his Hide ‘em in your Heart cassette tapes. They were the best resource available, and still are available.

Today, Seeds Family Worship is the most popular and helpful resource for families as they incorporate Scripture into their daily lives. Tony Kummer, over at ministry-to-children.com, is highlighting their lastest album with a video and giveaway. Check it out and enter the contest, you could win 5 t-shirts and 5 cds (sorry, cassette tapes are not available!).

I Commend Joy!

If you were speaking with a negative, pessimistic person who commented frequently on the absurdity of life, would you be surprised when that person said, I commend joy? I know I would! That’s exactly how this statement should affect us as we read it from the Preacher’s lips in the book of Ecclesiastes. Come to think of it, though, I would on further reflection value this statement made by someone who understood absurdity and pain much more readily than I would if these words came from a person who was shallow and flippant in life.

And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun. Eccl. 8:15

I began writing this blog three years ago, and when I started I wanted to find a title that would state something about what I believe and desire for my own life and for others. My desire was to communicate what I am pursuing with all my heart and what I need in the depth of my being. That’s when I remembered this phrase in Ecclesiastes. At that time I felt this phrase was an apt description and title, although I had never studied Ecclesiastes, though I had heard a sermon series on it a number of years ago.

Now, as I am at the conclusion of my first intense study through this book, teaching it to an adult Sunday School class, I have a much better handle on the author’s intent in using this phrase. I would like to use this and an upcoming post (or more) to reflect on joy in Ecclesiastes, beginning with this phrase and verse.

Getting back to the opening paragraph above, I would like to begin with this first point: joy is known and treasured and valued most by those who have also known and valued pain and sorrow and difficulty. The Preacher, the author of Ecclesiastes, is an excellent example of this truth.

He has seen those who have saved lose everything. He has seen the righteous person treated as if he were wicked. He has seen men who have everything they want but are not able to enjoy it. He has seen princes walking around like slaves. He has seen all the difficulty and absurdity of life that one would want to avoid, trying to find meaning in it all under the sun. And under the sun he has come up empty. If anyone could comment on joy, the Preacher can, and we would do well to listen to him.

J.R.R. Tolkien illustrates this truth well in the third part of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Return of the King. He was able to understand joy because he had also understood pain. Tolkien lost his father in his early years, his mother at the age of 12. He served in WWI and saw the pain of war and the affect that it had on men. This pain informs how he wrote of the return of the hobbits back to the Shire, and the difficulty that they had, especially Frodo, of engaging back into civilian life.

His best description of joy after pain is found in The Return of the King, immediately after the ring is destroyed by Frodo. Written from Sam’s perspective, see this as the joy that is known fully only because of first knowing pain and heartache. Speaking of Frodo, Tolkien writes,

and in his eyes there was peace now, neither strain of will, nor madness, nor any fear. His burden was taken away. There was the dear master of the sweet days in the Shire. ‘Master!’ cried Sam, and fell upon his knees. In all that ruin of the world for the moment he felt only joy, great joy. The burden was gone. His master had been saved; he was himself again, he was free.

I commend joy because joy can only be known when the Savior, Jesus Christ, lifts the burden of sin from your life. Joy is known correctly only when you experience the joy of freedom from sin that can be understood through the forgiveness of sins experienced through the death of Jesus and his victory over sin and death and hell and Satan. Look to Jesus,

the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. Heb. 12:2-3

then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out. Eccl. 8:17

No one likes the unknown. We don’t delight in discovering that we cannot figure something out. We want to know how things are going to end. The dilemma explained in Ecclesiastes is that however much we want to know, we do not know the end of things.

This is one of the major discoveries that the Preacher made in his quest. He sought to seek and search by wisdom everything that is done on this earth, with every resource at his disposal to accomplish this search, and yet he couldn’t find out what God has done from the beginning to the end (Ecc. 3:11). Like most of us, the author of Ecclesiastes was trying to discern the purpose, to find the scheme of things (7:27).

The dilemma is most fully stated in Ecclesiastes 3:11 -He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. It seems to be that eternity is an ability and desire to know meaning and purpose beyond oneself, the ability to know that you know, part of the image of God in man. God has given us this ability and desire, but this desire cannot be met apart from God, and not in this world. We cannot discover God’s purpose and purposes; we cannot find purpose in life on our own, apart from God. We have this unmet longing that only God can fill.

C.S. Lewis refers to this in various places in his works; “if I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world” (Mere Christianity, 120). This longing for understanding purpose beyond ourselves he describes as “the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never visited” (Weight of Glory, 30-31).

We have been created this way on purpose, so that our restlessness would drive us, like it did for the author of Ecclesiastes, to seek and search for and desire something beyond ourselves. As Augustine said, “our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.” The Preacher is telling each one of us to look to God in Christ. Knowing Jesus enables us to comprehend God’s bigger purpose, not in all the specific details, like why did someone close to me get caught up in sin that is destroying his marriage, but in the sense that we can understand that God controls the purpose of the events in my life. I don’t have to understand God’s reason to believe that his reason is always for my good and his glory.

Accept the fact that man cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end, that we are finite and he is infinite, and trust God because he always sovereignly and graciously does what is good from beginning to end.

 

Part of an ongoing series on Ecclesiastes

Francis Bacon warns us not to “draw down or submit the mysteries of God to our reason.” Ecclesiastes 8:10-17 is just one of those situations in which we might be tempted to try to figure God out.

The situation is the burial of the wicked. These wicked people used to go in and out of the holy place revered and admired, apparently, even though they were hypocrites. Now they were receiving proper burials, while the righteous were discarded and neglected, left to lie out in the open without being taken care of at their death.

This is one of the most appalling, disgraceful, and ignominious things that can happen to a person in the Old Testament culture. This is emphasized through the continual statements throughout the history of the kings concerning their burial at the end of their life. Those are contrasted with this statement in Jeremiah 22:18-19,  Therefore thus says the Lord concerning Jehoiakim the son of Josiah, king of Judah: “They shall not lament for him, saying, ‘Ah, my brother!’ or ‘Ah, sister!’ They shall not lament for him, saying, ‘Ah, lord!’ or ‘Ah, his majesty!’  With the burial of a donkey he shall be buried, dragged and dumped beyond the gates of Jerusalem.” A disgraceful person was not to be lamented or mourned, but just the opposite is observed by the Preacher.

What is the Preacher’s response? Though evil seems to reign, we can know that it will be well with those who fear God. The Preacher states this with full confidence and assurance. There is no doubt in his mind that, even though the sinner seems to prosper, those who fear God (emphasized three times) will find that it will go well with them. God is the one who saves, God is the one who sustains. Trust him even when things seem unjust. Our end will always be better than their end.

Though a sinner does evil a hundred times and prolongs his life, yet I know that it will be well with those who fear God, because they fear before him. Eccl. 8:12

 

Part of an ongoing series on Ecclesiastes

In the Christian life we can easily find ourselves using jargon without knowing what we’re really saying. What exactly is “grace”? Sinclair Ferguson clarifies:

It is legitimate to speak of “receiving grace,” and sometimes (although I am somewhat cautious about the possibility of misuing this langauge) we speak of the preaching of the Word, prayer, baptism, and the Lord’s Supper as “means of grace.” That is fine, so long as we remember that there isn’t a thing, a substance, or a “quasi-substance” called “grace.” All there is is the person of the Lord Jesus — “Christ clothed in the gospel,” as John Calvin loved to put it. Grace is the grace of Jesus.

If I can highlight the thought here: there is no “thing” that Jesus takes from Himself and then, as it were, hands over to me. There is only Jesus Himself. Grasping that thought can make a signficant difference to a Christian’s life. So while some poeple might think this is just splitting hairs about different ways of saying the same thing, it can make a vital difference. It is not a thing that was crucified to give us a thing called grace. It was the person of the Lord Jesus that was crucified in order that He might give Himself to us through the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Excerpted from an interview with Sinclair Ferugson. (HT: Desiring God blog)

Wisdom and Authority

Who? Who? Who? Throughout Ecclesiastes, especially in chap. 8:1-9, the author (“the Preacher”) asks rhetorical questions beginning with who. Throughout the book the expected answer, almost without exception, is no one. So he begins this section.

Who is like the wise? And who knows the interpretation of a thing? (Eccl. 8:1)

No one is so wise to understand, no one but God. With this as an introduction the Preacher gives us wisdom on how to deal with those in authority. He makes three simple but profound points about our relationships with governing authorities. These are not all that can be said on the subject, but they are wise statements.

  1. We are called to obey. (8:2, 5) God has placed authorities in their position, whether they do good or do evil (Rom. 13:1-2). There are exceptions to this, especially as you consider situations like the disciples with the Jewish authorities, but for the most part we are called to obey.
  2. Don’t do evil in response to evil. (8:3) Paul writes, And why not do evil that good may come?—as some people slanderously charge us with saying. (Rom. 3:8) Grace isn’t cheap. We should respond in an evil way to an evil leader, it doesn’t not glorify God nor accomplish his purpose.
  3. Seek God’s wisdom when you disagree with earth’s leaders. (8:5-6) God has a right time for everything (see Eccl. 3:1-8), and the wise heart will know the proper time and the just way. For there is a time and a way for everything… God will direct you in how to respond to the world’s leaders, he will give you the words to speak (Mt. 10:16-20), and he will reveal the right time.

Amidst these simple instructions remember, who knows? Only God knows, and by grace through faith God will show you the proper time and right way to deal with those in authority.

 

Part of an ongoing series on Ecclesiastes

Be not overly righteous, and do not make yourself too wise.

Why should you destroy yourself?

Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool.

Why should you die before your time? (Eccl. 7:16-17)

At first glance these statements give one pause. What is the Preacher trying to say? As I have been blogging through my teaching series on Ecclesiastes there have been numerous statements that have been challenging and disconcerting, before I understood what the Preacher was teaching, and these are chief among them.

Is he saying that being a good person, a “goody two shoes”, is not good for you? Does he mean that a little wickedness is OK, just don’t go overboard and be really wicked? Should we just strive for a happy medium between the two?

Notice first of all that the two phrases are parallel, so that whatever is said about being overly righteous and too wise in some sense you also have to say about being overly wicked and too foolish. What I mean by that is that some commentators think he means, don’t pretend to be wise, don’t play the wiseman. That interpretation does not bear itself out in the parallel statement. He is not talking about pretending to be wicked, so he cannot be talking about pretending to be wise.

When one takes verse 15 into account, the meaning becomes clearer. In my vain life I have seen everything. There is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs his life in his evildoing. The righteous are trying to make themselves more righteous so as to prolong their lives (Prov. 10:27), and when they see that their own self-effort toward righteousness does not avail, the righteous throw up their hands and say, what’s the difference, I’ll just be wicked since my righteousness does not avail me.

The problem here is our misconception that our own righteousness avails us of anything. Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins (Eccl. 7:20). All our good actions by our own self-effort are filthy rags (Is. 64:6). We need a righteousness that comes from outside of us, because there no goodness that comes from inside of us, without Christ. What we have here is an Old Testament statement of the concept of imputed righteousness, the righteousness of Christ that is given to us, credited to our account, so that when God looks at us he doesn’t see our sin but Christ’s righteousness.

God made us originally upright, but our sin nature has taken over (Eccl. 7:29), and the only way for us to be rescued from this predicament is for God to give us a righteousness that we did not earn and could never deserve. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

 

Part of an ongoing series on Ecclesiastes

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