This is an excellent, helpful, article at the Family Life website with first-person insight into the struggle of sexual addiction for men. Let me include the editor’s note to give background to this article.
Editor’s note: Several years ago, author Meg Wilson had it all. She was a suburban wife with two daughters, two cars, two pets, and “a firm grasp on the American dream.” Central to everything in her life was a loving and successful husband who loved the Lord.
But her picture-perfect life came crashing down around her when her husband confessed to a decades-long struggle with sexual addiction—a secret life that included infidelity and an obsession with pornography.
As part of her journey through forgiveness and healing, Meg started a support group for women whose husbands struggle with sexual addiction. Her interactions with the women in those groups as well as her own healing led her to write of her experience. Eventually Meg’s husband, Dave, began to visit the support group for their first meetings to answer questions from members of the group.
The following are some of the questions that wives ask the most about sexual addiction, along with Dave’s answers, adapted from Meg’s book, Hope After Betrayal. You can also hear an interview with Meg on FamilyLife Today.
Sexual addiction, from Dave and Meg’s perspective, begins often when a boy views pornography when they are young (for Dave it began at the age of 10). It can also begin from abuse.
Sexual addiction is different from lustful thoughts or wandering eyes that men have, as a result of sin, that can be curbed through a good sexual relationship with his wife. Sexual addiction is much different. The authors write this:
What could I have done to prevent all this?
Nothing. Your husband was already heading down this path long before you met him. Every guy that I’ve spoken with can identify a time around eight or ten years of age when his sexual addiction began.
I can’t stress this enough: your husband’s addiction does not have anything to do with you. It has nothing to do with how you look, how available you are to him sexually, your personality, your weight, height, or the color of your hair. One lie perpetuated even by some counselors and pastors is if you’d be more available sexually, your husband won’t have to go elsewhere. Let me say again, this is categorically a lie based on total ignorance of the pathophysiology of sexual addiction. Meg and I had, what I thought, was a good sex life all while I was “knee-deep” in my sexual addiction.
The author highlights that health and healing can be seen through honesty, spiritual growth, and real change occurring in his life.
If this is an area that you or someone you know is dealing with, I would encourage you to read this article, listen to or read the interview with Meg that Dennis Rainey had on Family Life Today, or pick up the book, Hope After Betrayal.